


Gotta Figure It Out

by Percyjacksonislife



Category: Andi Mack (TV), jandi - Fandom, jyrus - Fandom
Genre: Acceptance, Andi Mack - Freeform, BoyxBoy, Coming Out, Don't really know what else to tag lol, Hate, High School, Jonah Beck/Cyrus Goodman - Freeform, Love, M/M, Self-Acceptance, jandi, jyrus - Freeform, slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-06 14:49:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12819870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Percyjacksonislife/pseuds/Percyjacksonislife
Summary: Cyrus, Jonah, Andi, and Buffy are entering their junior year of high school. Things have changed over the past couple of years and Cyrus is struggling to find himself. He knows what he wants, but he's too afraid of the consequences.Jonah Beck is supposed to have it all figured out, he's got great friends and an even better girlfriend, but is that really what he wants?This story is set later to allow room to add certain plot points.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy my first Jyrus fan fiction! Comment what you think :)

The beginning of junior year has officially arrived and Cyrus couldn't be anymore terrified. Everything has been blowing right by and he often feels like he doesn't have time to catch his breath amidst all the chaos. Maybe it's because he hasn't really had anyone to lean on these past couple of years, or maybe it's because he's so preoccupied thinking about things other than school, but as he takes another step towards the finish line Cyrus feels as if he is stuck at the start. 

Cyrus Goodman didn't get to start high school the way that he had planned. He lost his best friends and almost lost his girlfriend, but he managed to hold onto her. When Buffy and Andi started to disappear out of the picture Cyrus felt as if Iris was the only thing he had left to hold onto. While he has managed to keep her by his side for three years, he can't honestly say he has enjoyed much of it at all. In fact, he wishes he could just forget all about the relationship. Cyrus always has his mind on someone else, even when Iris decides that it's time for them to make out. Keeping his mind on someone else is how he has made it through this far. And while he feels incredibly guilty for simply dragging Iris along, he can't seem to find the heart to break up with her despite having no feelings whatsoever towards. her. 

Jonah Beck has it all. He has the girl, the friends, his sports. He has definitely become one of the coolest kids in school. He and Andi have been named the "it couple", everyone seems to think that they are just meant to be. Jonah doesn't necessarily hate it, he just wishes everyone would give him some space. He's felt suffocated for three years now and he just wants to breathe. He doesn't want to spend time with his girlfriend 24/7, he doesn't want people to assume that he's perfect, he just wants to be left alone. Because the truth is, Jonah Beck isn't perfect. 

The summer before they all started high school, Jonah, Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus were hanging out at pool. They were having a great time, Andi and Jonah were still stuck in the honeymoon phase it seemed and couldn't get enough of each other. Jonah had started to notice that Cyrus seemed a little, off. He had assumed that he was just warn out and didn't question it. He and Andi continued to laugh and steal kisses, meanwhile Cyrus was absolutely miserable watching them. Jonah was in the middle of telling the group a funny story about Andi when Cyrus just got up and left. Everyone was worried about him, but for some reason that day no one wanted to go after him. Jonah later regretted it, but when Cyrus wouldn't talk to any of them for a couple of days they all figured he needed space.  Jonah regretted that even more. Everything became increasingly awkward between the group, and eventually they just stopped hanging out as a full group. 

Jonah knew he shouldn't have just left Cyrus behind like that while they all surged forward with their lives, and he has regretted it ever since. Every time he sees Cyrus he can tell how lonely he is. Part of him likes to think that he understands what Cyrus is going through, but he knows that he doesn't fully get it. Jonah still tries to do his best for his old friend when he can. Sometimes he over hears people talking about Cyrus and how "weird" he is and something inside of him just kind of snaps.  He has been sent to the principal on multiple occasions for yelling at people, once he almost punched a kid. Andi tries to get him to calm down, to tell him that it isn't his fight and he shouldn't work himself up so much, but that only makes him angrier. They frequently argue about it, though it seems stupid. 

Jonah has to admit, he isn't the perfect boyfriend. He definitely doesn't have the same feelings for Andi as he did back in middle school and while he's tried to tell Andi she always tells him that they will "figure it out." Jonah wishes he could figure it out, but deep down he knows the truth. He knows that it's something he isn't willing to face yet. 

"Oops I'm sorry I-" Jonah looked up from the ground, Cyrus was towering over him. 

"I'm sorry Cy, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." 

"N-No it's okay, it's definitely my fault. Um anyway, have a good day I guess." Cyrus began to walk away. 

"Cyrus, wait!" He turned around, standing in the middle of the hallway.

"Huh?" Jonah didn't even know what to say, he just sat on the ground staring at Cyrus's helpless gaze. 

"Um-Ugh, have a nice day." 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. Out of all the things you could've said, that had to have been the most useless. Definitely won't get Cy-guy back by being so stupid._

Jonah didn't understand why it was so hard to talk to Cyrus. They never had an issue talking to each other before. But that was when they were still friends, and when they didn't have girlfriends dividing them. 

___I need to get him back._


	2. Chapter 2

They were sitting in some park, had gotten there somehow, and Iris was talking about something. Cyrus couldn't hear her, he couldn't focus on anything. All he could think about was the way Jonah Beck had looked at him when they ran into each other in the hallway. Cyrus felt trapped, but in a good way. He never wanted to look away. Somehow, after three years, Cyrus still found himself wrapped up in Jonah Beck. 

Cyrus didn't feel right.  _Why is Jonah Beck still stuck in my head?_ He didn't understand. His girlfriend is great, why can't she be stuck in his head? Why is it constantly Jonah and not Iris? He knows why, he knew as soon as Jonah and Andi started dating. There's nothing wrong with Iris, there's just everything wrong with Cyrus. 

"Did you hear me Cy?" Cyrus was brought out of his trance by Iris nudging his arm. 

"I-I didn't. I'm sorry." Iris smiled at him, though she looked slightly irritated. 

"It's okay, I just asked if you wanted to go to the movies on Saturday. If not there's also a party that Buffy and Marty are hosting." 

Cyrus didn't particularly like parties. They were too loud and he hated the idea of alcohol, and because it's high school there is no doubt that alcohol will be involved. He didn't really want to see a movie though. Iris always cuddles and tries to make out during them and Cyrus finds it too distracting from what's happening on the screen. He did promise that they would do something on Saturday though and if they went to a party that Buffy would be hosting, Jonah would most definitely be there.  

"Why don't we go to that party." Iris smiled and nodded, it was clearly the option she was hoping Cyrus would pick.

The last time Cyrus went to a party was at the beginning of the summer. Iris had asked him to go with her, and because they were dating he felt obligated to go. Neither of them drank, Iris only wanted to go so she could dance and hang out with her friends. Cyrus had contemplated downing a few drinks just so he could make it through the night but he wasn't _that_ miserable. As much as he didn't want to be there, it was pretty amusing watching everyone in their inebriated state try to function as normal people. Jonah had been at that party too and though Cyrus never saw him with a drink in his hands, he had clearly had a few. Cyrus still doesn't know how to feel about that. 

"Cyrus is something wrong?" Iris was frowning. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You seem off." 

"I'm fine, just a little tired." And with that Iris dropped it. Cyrus was pretty sure she had no clue about any of his problems. There were times when she would start to suspect something was up, and Cyrus would just tell her he didn't get enough sleep. It's not exactly a lie. Cyrus frequently stays up until the earliest hours of the morning staring at his ceiling, trying to ease his mind. Trying not to think about Jonah, or the fact that he ruined his friendships with the absolute best people he has ever known. 

Cyrus often thinks about Buffy and Andi. Buffy is still the only person that knows his deepest secret. She's probably the only one that truly understands why he left. For the longest time Cyrus worried that she would tell everyone, that she would tell Andi or Jonah. Part of him is shocked that she hasn't, but another part of him knows that Buffy would never intentionally hurt him. Andi was mad at Cyrus for a long time after he stopped talking to them, Cyrus thought she hated him. She would refuse to sit next to him in classes if they had them together, she would glare at him from across the cafeteria or cut him off in line for lunch like he wasn't even there. Eventually she stopped and just completely ignored him. Cyrus still doesn't understand what made her stop, but he suspects either Buffy or Jonah had to do with it. 

-

Saturday came sooner than Cyrus wanted. He almost pretended that he had gotten sick and wasn't feeling well enough to go to the party, but he felt bad for wanting to ditch Iris so he didn't. She came to pick him up around 8 and they arrived at the party that seemed to have already started awhile ago. 

"Cyrus do you want to dance?" Iris was already dancing before they stepped into the house. 

"I'm really thirsty, I think I'm gonna get a drink." 

"Hurry back!" Iris was making her way into the group of dancing teenagers. 

Cyrus went to the kitchen to try and find something that hopefully wasn't alcohol, but the first thing that he saw when he walked into the kitchen was Jonah and for some reason he decided to grab a beer. 

"Never pegged you to be a drinker Cyrus." Jonah walked over to him, he was holding a glass of water. 

"I'm not." Cyrus could never lie to Jonah. About most things. 

"Did Iris drag you along?" Cyrus nodded, " Yeah Andi kinda forced me to come. I told her I didn't want to go to another party but she insisted." Cyrus decided to play a game, drink anytime Jonah talks about Andi. This could be a long night. 

"Are you the designated driver?" 

"Yup, I'm guessing you're not." Jonah gestured to the beer that Cyrus was taking a sip of. 

It wasn't long before Cyrus had to crack open another beer. His game was proving to be successful, Jonah practically mentioned Andi every time he opened his mouth. Cyrus found it odd that he was standing in the kitchen of a random house drinking and talking to Jonah Beck. Well, Jonah was talking and Cyrus was trying to hide his pain. 

"Do they have anything else besides this disgusting stuff?" Cyrus held up the empty can of beer, he was about to move onto his fourth. 

"I'm pretty sure the punch is spiked if you really want something else. But Cy-" Cyrus didn't wait to hear the rest, he grabbed a cup and started filling it with the mystery punch. He was far too miserable to care about the fact that he shouldn't even be drinking. 

After about four cups of the punch and more of Jonah's stories, Cyrus began to feel sick. But not like throw up sick. He felt anxious, his heart began to pound and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He started to lose focus of what Jonah was saying to him and he ran out the back door to try and get some air. Of course Jonah followed and grabbed onto Cyrus as he almost fell down the stairs. 

"Are you okay?" Cyrus couldn't answer. He felt like he was going to throw up. Jonah got him to sit down and he started rubbing circles on his back. 

"I'm going to take you home okay?" 

"N-No I can't! My parents will-" 

"I meant I'm going to take you to my house, my parents are out of town for the weekend so they'll never know." That calmed Cyrus slightly. That is until he realized what that meant. 

Cyrus was going to be at Jonah Beck's house. He was going to be at Jonah Beck's house for the first time in three years. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed the chapter! I think the next update will either be early next week or next weekend so stay tuned! Let me know what you thought of this chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

To say that Jonah was worried was an understatement. Jonah was pretty sure that Cyrus had never touched alcohol in his life, and he couldn't help but feel extremely guilty for not stopping him before he even started. Because of him, Cyrus was sitting in the passenger seat of Jonah's car having what Jonah could only assume was the worst panic attack of his life. Jonah tried to get home as quickly as possible without actually breaking the speed limit. 

"Jonahhhhh!" Cyrus whined, leaning his head against the car window and then leaning forward clutching his stomach. 

"Cy? Do you need to throw up?" 

"Noo! I need air!" Jonah rolled down the windows, hoping to provide some relief. 

Jonah didn't get it. Why would Cyrus drink so much? He's seen Cyrus at a few parties before and he has  _never_ seen him get anywhere near the alcohol. 

 _God I should've stopped him._  

But what exactly could Jonah have done? Tell Cyrus that he wasn't allowed to drink like he was his mother or something? Jonah almost didn't feel like he had the right to tell Cyrus what to do because they weren't friends anymore. Jonah's breath caught for a moment as he thought about that. He hasn't been there for Cyrus for three years, what if he wasn't there for him tonight? What if something happened to Cyrus last year, or the year before? Jonah already knows that Cyrus has been anything but happy for the past three years, he catches the way that Cyrus will smile about something and then turn around and the smile totally disappears. 

_Why haven't I been there for him?_

So what if Cyrus was the one to walk away from them, Jonah should've gone after him. He should've fought for Cyrus instead of just letting him leave. 

"Hey Cy?" 

"Hmm?" He almost sounded like he was in pain. He probably was. 

"I'm really sorry." Cyrus looked confused. They pulled into the driveway to Jonah's house. Jonah helped Cyrus get inside and sat him down on the couch before going to get him a glass of water. Cyrus was lying on the couch when Jonah came back to the living room. 

"What are you s-sorry for?" He was slurring his words slightly. 

"This probably isn't the best time to have this conversation. Here drink the water." Cyrus sat up slowly and grabbed the glass from Jonah's hand, their fingers brushed against each other gently. Cyrus drank the water surprisingly fast, setting the empty glass on the coffee table in front of him. 

"Are you hungry?" Cyrus nodded. Jonah went and grabbed a pack of crackers, got Cyrus more water, and he grabbed a trash can on his way back to Cyrus. Just in case. 

"Jonah?" 

"Yes?" 

"Why won't you tell me?" Jonah sighed as he sat down next to the intoxicated boy, handing him the crackers and setting the trash can on the floor. 

"Because it won't mean anything now if you won't remember it in the morning." 

"You love me don't you." Cyrus started giggling. Jonah froze, his breathing stopped momentarily. 

"Eat the damn crackers." 

It was another hour before Cyrus started to act slightly normal, though definitely still drunk. 

"Why did you guys leave me?" Cyrus had tears in his eyes as he looked at Jonah. 

"W-What do you mean?" 

"You all left me. You, Buffy, Andi." 

"Cy you left us-" 

"But you guys didn't try to talk to me again!" Cyrus started crying. 

"We thought you wanted space, we-" 

"I didn't need space, I needed my friends!" Cyrus was crying even harder now. Jonah slid over and started rubbing circles on his back trying to calm him down. 

"That's what I'm sorry for. I've felt terrible for not trying to talk to you again. I've regretted it since-"

"If you regret it so much why haven't you tried reaching out to me?" Jonah didn't want his words to sting, he knew Cyrus understood that it was everyone's fault. That didn't stop it from hurting though because he knew that Cyrus had a point. 

"I-I honestly have no clue. I think because Andi was so hurt by the situation I didn't stop to think that you were hurting too Cyrus." Jonah slid back to where he originally was seated on the couch, his head in his hands.  _Don't cry Jonah Beck, don't you dare start crying._ But he couldn't stop the tears from falling. He was such a terrible friend. How could he hurt Cyrus so much? Cyrus Goodman didn't deserve to be hurt by anybody. 

"Do you think we'll ever be friends again?" Jonah looked up at Cyrus, who was staring right at him. 

"I don't want to hurt you again Cy-" 

"That's unavoidable." Cyrus flashed a new type of pained expression for only a moment before he looked away. 

"What do you-" 

"Do you think we'll ever be friends again?" Cyrus pressed. 

"Of course. I hope so. I want to be." Jonah didn't even hesitate. 

"What about Buffy? And Andi?" 

"Buffy misses you. Andi... Andi changes every day it seems. I can't speak for her." 

"She hates me." Cyrus looked at Jonah again. Jonah looked away. Andi didn't like Cyrus. She had nothing to say but rude remarks about him for the longest time after Cyrus had left them. Jonah thought he knew why, but eventually it seemed like there was something deeper that she was mad about. Jonah saw a few tears fall as Cyrus stared blankly at the wall in front of him. He slid over again and gently wiped the tears away with his thumbs. The two boys looked at each other for what seemed like hours before Jonah pulled Cyrus into a tight hug. 

"It'll be okay Cyrus. Everything will be okay." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I enjoyed writing it!! Things are finally starting to patch up between Jonah and Cyrus???!  
> Please leave comments and let me know what you think, I always get motivated from reading comments!!


	4. Chapter 4

The first thing that Jonah saw when he got to school on Monday was Andi. And she was mad. 

"There better be a good explanation for why you left me on Saturday night." She stood in front of him with her arms crossed, a scowl on her face. 

"There is. Cyrus got pretty messed up and I wasn't just going to let him-" 

"Cyrus? Why were you talking to Cyrus?" Andi's expression changed, but Jonah didn't understand this new look. 

"Because I miss our friend? And he misses us." 

"He left us he can't just choose when he gets to come back." 

"Maybe not but I can. We've been talking all weekend, he's joining us this afternoon when we go to the Spoon." 

"No he isn't." Jonah didn't understand why Andi was getting so upset about this. Sure Cyrus hurt them, but everyone else has forgiven him. Why couldn't Andi? 

"What's your probl-" 

"Cyrus likes you Jonah! He always has!" Andi yelled. Jonah took a step back, finally realizing that the new expression on Andi's face was jealousy. 

_Cyrus likes me?_

Jonah took another step back. 

"I-I don't care how true that is Andi, but that isn't cool. He obviously didn't want people to know. And the way that you are acting right now is just, I need a break." Jonah took another step back, but this time he turned around and continued walking. 

_Cyrus likes me._ The only thing that was running through Jonah's mind as he drove. He didn't know where he was going to go, but he needed to go somewhere to think. 

Had this been the reason that Cyrus left? Was it because of him and Andi? Jonah felt like an idiot for not noticing that Cyrus was uncomfortable. Jonah just felt like an idiot. 

Then something hit Jonah. 

Jonah quickly parked the car and shut it off. He didn't move, just stared blankly at the street in front of him. Is this why he's so miserable with Andi? Is it because Cyrus was more to him than just a friend? Jonah was confused. His mind and heart were racing and he didn't know how to go about this situation. He started with something that he knew he had to do. 

**To Andi: Listen I can't do this anymore. It just isn't working out. We're done.**

He hit send and stared at his phone for a minute. Jonah didn't even wait for a response before he moved on. 

"Jonah? Why are you calling me, we're in school." 

" _You_ are in school, but not for long. Can you meet me at the park?" 

"Yeah, I'll be right there." 

Jonah got out of the car and sat on a park bench. Nothing felt real to him. He sighed as he rubbed his face, trying not to completely break down in the middle of a park. 

"You okay Jonah?" Jonah was startled, and shocked at how quickly Buffy managed to get there. Jonah stared at her for a minute before shaking his head. She sat down next to him. 

"Andi and I broke up." 

"Jonah I'm sorr-" 

"But that isn't what's important." Buffy looked confused. 

"Okay?" 

"I guess I should start off by saying that Cyrus and I are friends again. And he really misses you." Buffy was silent but Jonah knew that she missed Cyrus too.

"What else?" 

"Andi told me about Cyrus." Buffy's eyes widened. 

"She wasn't supposed to tell anyone." 

"She was mad at me for taking him home on Saturday instead of staying at the party." 

"Andi was really upset when she found out. She got really jealous and I think that's the reason that she hates Cyrus so much now. Because she thought he would try to take you away from her." Jonah nodded. 

"Buffy, what if she was right to have those suspicions?" Buffy was confused again.

"What do you mean? Did Cyrus try to-" 

"No, I-I think I understand why I've been so miserable with Andi." Buffy suddenly realized what Jonah was trying to get at. She slowly turned to face Jonah on the bench. 

"You like Cyrus?" Jonah blushed. 

"I-I mean maybe? I don't know! That's what I'm trying to figure out!" Buffy grabbed Jonah's hands. 

"Jonah listen, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of if you do like Cyrus. You don't have to figure it all out right now okay? Just take your time and figure out what you want." 

"I think what I want is Cyrus." Buffy smiled. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Jonah looked up. He figured it out. 

"Are you going to tell him?" 

"I want to, but what if he doesn't feel the same anymore?" 

"Lets not think about that right now, I'm sure he still feels the same." Buffy gave Jonah's hands a reassuring squeeze before she stood up. 

"Thank you, Buffy." 

"Anytime, now lets get back to class." Jonah smiled. 

**To Cyrus: Hey can you meet me at my car after school today? We need to talk.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a little bit shorter, but a lot more went down! Jonah finally understands how he feels... maybe. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, don't forget to leave a comment! They always motivate me to continue writing this!


	5. Chapter 5

**_We need to talk._ **

What could they need to talk about already? Cyrus wondered what he could've messed up in the two days that he and Jonah had been friends again. Cyrus watched the clock, waiting for the final bell to ring so he could get this over with as soon as possible. As soon as the bell rang Cyrus was out the door in search for Jonah, who he found leaning up against his car door waiting for Cyrus. 

"Hey." Cyrus hoped to keep this short. 

"Hey, you ready to go?" Jonah smiled at him, though he looked kind of nervous. 

"G-Go where?" This was already not going how Cyrus expected it to. 

"To get some milkshakes." Milkshakes are good right? If Jonah was going to tell him something awful he wouldn't offer milkshakes, right? Cyrus nodded and slowly got into the car. 

The ride was mostly silent except for the radio playing softly and Cyrus was going crazy. Jonah hadn't said a word about what he wanted to talk about, and Cyrus still didn't have any real clue as to what it could be. He had a million thoughts running around his head, and every single one of them involved Cyrus getting hurt. 

They pulled up to the Spoon and went in and took a seat. Jonah ordered both of their milkshakes and some baby taters, though Cyrus didn't even know if he was hungry. 

"What did you need to talk about?" Cyrus tried not to sound too worried. The look on Jonah's face started to worry him even more though. 

"Andi and I broke up." It wasn't exactly how Jonah wanted to start the conversation, but he figured it would be brought up eventually. 

"Oh I'm sorry." Cyrus wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that. Was he really sorry? What did he have to be sorry for? 

"I-It's okay. I broke up with her. There was uh, someone else that has been on my mind." Cyrus looked confused, he felt confused. Why was Jonah telling him this? Didn't he have other guy friends to talk about his relationship problems with? Not that Cyrus didn't want Jonah to talk to him about this stuff, it just seemed.. odd. 

"Well there are plenty of fish in the-" 

"It's you Cyrus." Jonah didn't want to beat around the bush anymore. He needed to tell him while he was still certain and confident about his feelings. Cyrus didn't say anything for a while, he just stared at Jonah wide eyed. "Cyrus? Are you in there?" Jonah waved his hand in front of Cyrus's face. 

"I-I have to go." Cyrus bolted out of his seat and ran out the door. Jonah cursed under his breath before pulling out his wallet and leaving the money for their food on the table. This time, he would follow Cyrus. 

Cyrus had no clue where he was going, he was just walking until he didn't feel like walking anymore. 

_It's you Cyrus._

He hadn't prepared for that situation at all. He didn't want to. Jonah didn't mean it, it was just a mistake. This entire thing was just a huge mistake. Cyrus didn't like Jonah. He  _couldn't_ like Jonah. That was a one time thing. It was a mistake. Cyrus has Iris, he likes  _Iris. Not Jonah._ The more that Cyrus thought about it, the more that he tried to convince himself, the more he knew that was he was thinking wasn't true. He tried to avoid it for as long as possible, but now he couldn't. Now he had to face reality. 

Cyrus's hands began shaking, his knees felt weak. He finally sat down under a tree. 

He didn't want this. He didn't want Jonah to like him, he didn't want to like Jonah. This wasn't part of the plan. Cyrus didn't want to be gay. He thought all of this was over, that liking Jonah was just a one time thing and that dating Iris would make everything better. Iris didn't make everything better though, she was only a distraction from the things that Cyrus didn't want to think about and she wasn't even enough of a distraction to keep Cyrus from thinking about those things. Cyrus didn't know what to do. What if Cyrus told everyone that he was gay and they all hated him? What if his parents didn't approve? He had already told Buffy that he liked Jonah back in middle school, and she was completely fine with it but for some reason Cyrus still felt like other people wouldn't be. And maybe they won't be, but what is Cyrus supposed to do? Give up his happiness for the acceptance of people around him or allow himself to be happy while he had no one to support him? He tried to take a deep breath but he started crying. Why is this so hard? He didn't ask to be like this. Cyrus continued to cry. 

Jonah was worried. He didn't mean to come on too strong. He didn't mean to scare Cyrus into running away. He didn't mean to try to rush into things when he barely had time to sort through his feelings and figure out what he really wanted. He should've taken a couple days, maybe weeks, to figure everything out instead of running to Cyrus the second he realized that he had feelings for him. But he didn't and now he's out driving around town in search of Cyrus. Leave it to Jonah Beck to mess everything up anytime he has the chance. Jonah should've known that this wouldn't end well. Nothing ends well for him when he doesn't think before he acts. As he drove around looking for Cyrus, Jonah finally began to think about his feelings. 

_When did I start liking Cyrus? Have I always liked him? Why did I only realize now?_

All of the things that he should've thought about before were flooding into his mind now. Jonah didn't really know when his feelings for Cyrus started, probably back in middle school. He always saw Cyrus differently than the other guys that he was friends with. Cyrus was so supportive and quite sensitive which made Jonah feel like he had to protect him a little bit. Even now he still protects Cyrus when he hears people saying stuff about him. He was always far more excited to hang out with Cyrus than with Andi, even when he started dating her. Maybe Cyrus was the one that he's had feelings for all along, never Andi. 

Jonah came to a stop when he spotted Cyrus sitting under a tree. He got out of the car and went and sat next to the boy. He stayed silent waiting for Cyrus to say something, but after a few minutes went by without anyone talking Jonah decided to start the conversation. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong and scare you. If you don't have feelings for me anymore that's okay, I understand." Jonah looked over at Cyrus who was looking straight ahead. 

"Who told you?" Cyrus's voice came out as a whisper. 

"Andi and Buffy." Cyrus didn't say anything for a while. 

"Buffy was the only one who was supposed to know." Jonah looked down, suddenly feeling guilty that he knew Cyrus's secret. 

"I'm sorry." Jonah didn't know what else to say. There was another long silence before anyone spoke again.  

"It's not that I don't like you, it's that I don't like myself." Cyrus looked away again but Jonah could see the tears in his eyes. He never really thought about the fact that Cyrus has been holding all of this in until just now. 

"There's nothing not to like about you Cy." Jonah received a laugh. 

"There's plenty not to like." 

"Hey, everyone has their flaws. Everyone has things that they don't like about themselves. But if there's one thing that you shouldn't hate about yourself it's who you are. It is scary to think about the fact that people might not like that you are gay, that people won't accept you. But those people aren't worth it, they aren't the ones that are meant to be in your life if they can't accept the things about you that make you happy. The people that matter are going to love you for who you are no matter what, but it's also important for you to love yourself." Yet another long, lingering silence as Cyrus thought about what to say. 

"I've been so scared of this that I've lived a lie for three years." Cyrus looked away from Jonah, but Jonah could see the tears in his eyes. 

"I'm scared too." Jonah admitted. He was terrified. 

Cyrus grabbed Jonah's hand, he didn't say anything and neither did Jonah. They sat in silence and thought about how they are going to continue from here. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might suck a little bit and I'm really sorry if it does! Comment what you think?!


	6. Chapter 6

Jonah Beck, the only thing on Cyrus's mind for the past week and quite possibly the best and worst thing to ever happen to Cyrus. Jonah Beck was a dream to Cyrus for the longest time. A dream that Cyrus would never allow himself to go near because not all dreams were great, but now that dream was texting him hearts and smiley faces and holding his hand behind closed doors and Cyrus had no clue what to do. 

Part of Cyrus wanted to run away from all that was happening, but running away didn't solve anything last time. As much as he wanted to enjoy Jonah and this new found happiness, Cyrus couldn't stop thinking about all of the bad things that could come out of this. He still hasn't broken up with Iris, he doesn't plan on coming out to his parents anytime soon knowing that they would probably react poorly, and he doesn't even want to think about how all of the people at school will react when they hear that he's gay. That Jonah Beck is his... boyfriend? 

They hadn't put a label on anything yet, Jonah understood that Cyrus would need to take things slowly and Cyrus knew that Jonah hadn't fully thought all of this through yet so he wanted to give him time before labeling them. Cyrus couldn't help but think that maybe if he gave Jonah enough time, Jonah would realize that he was wrong about his feelings and tell Cyrus that he didn't want to do this anymore. Cyrus hated that thought. 

Jonah Beck could do nothing but think about Cyrus, no matter how hard he tried to focus on anything else. The more he thought about the boy, the more sure he became of his feelings. But the more he thought about how sure he was, the more unsure he became. It's not that he doesn't like Cyrus, he definitely does, he just couldn't figure out when he started liking boys or if he likes boys and girls. It just gets too confusing for him. On top of that, Jonah had no clue how his parents would react to him coming out. Not that he was going to do that anytime soon, but maybe when he and Cyrus are ready. If they are ever ready. 

Jonah has never had a secret relationship before. He's been so used to openly expressing how he feels, but this is different. He understands why Cyrus is so scared to tell people, but he also doesn't get it at the same time. Jonah knows that they are going to have to take things slow, but slow has never really been part of his relationships. Everything about being with Cyrus is completely new, not only for Jonah but for Cyrus as well. Jonah wasn't quite sure what to do, he's already had to restrain himself countless times this week from reaching for Cyrus's hand.  _"Only in private."_ Was always the response he would receive if he tried to hold hands with Cyrus. Jonah kind of hated it, all he wanted to do was grab Cyrus's hand and show everyone that they were happy. 

_What's wrong with wanting to be happy?_

Jonah knew the answer to that though. Cyrus had him over last night and while they weren't doing anything wrong, Jonah knew it was a bad idea to hold hands under the dinner table while Cyrus's parents were right across from them. They had no clue what was going on, but Cyrus was so uncomfortable and Jonah could tell by the way he gently pulled his hand away and looked down at the table for the rest of dinner that Cyrus would not allow himself to be happy in that house anytime soon 

_"Are you okay?"  Jonah sat on Cyrus's bed but Cyrus sat in his chair._

_"We can't do that."_

_"What? Hold hands? I thought you said in private."_

_"Yeah in private as in only the two of us."_

_"But they didn't see." Jonah didn't understand what the big deal was, they would've never noticed!_

_"I-If they find out.. Jonah they can't find out about it."_

_"Are they homophobic? Do you need me to-"_

_"I don't know." Jonah was once again confused. If he wasn't sure that they were homophobic, what was the big deal? But as he sat there and thought about it, the more he understood. Cyrus didn't want to jump in head first without testing the waters._

_"What if they are?" Cyrus looked away, Jonah felt bad for pushing it._

_"I don't know." Jonah could barely hear him. He knew Cyrus would need time, and he was okay with that._

_"I'm sorry." Jonah didn't know what else to say._

_"I-It's okay, just please don't do anything in front of them."_

_"Not until you're ready."_

_"If I'm ever." Silence fell after that._

Jonah hoped Cyrus would be ready. He would like to hold his hand and kiss him gently in front of whoever he wanted to without worrying about what they would think or about whether or not Cyrus would freak out. He wanted that now, but everything was so different and he still didn't fully understand that. 

Maybe Jonah didn't really understand anything.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter but I hope you liked it!! Sort of just gives more of a look into how Jonah and Cyrus are thinking about everything. Comment what you think!!


	7. Chapter 7

It had been about a month since Cyrus and Jonah started secretly... talking? Since neither of them had asked the other to be their boyfriend Cyrus had no clue what they actually were at this point. The only things that were clear to Cyrus were that he liked Jonah, Jonah liked him, and he still hasn't broken up with Iris yet. Cyrus knows that he needs to break up with her, he knows that he should've done it weeks ago, or years ago. Cyrus just doesn't know how and most of the time he forgets that she still exists because he hasn't spoken to her in a few weeks. He just doesn't know how to break up with her without hurting her feelings. Cyrus never really liked her romantically but he knew how much the relationship meant to Iris and he couldn't just tell her that he doesn't have feelings for her anymore. 

As much as Cyrus didn't realize that Iris was still there, Jonah couldn't stop thinking about the fact that they were still dating. Jonah didn't hold onto Andi, why was Cyrus holding onto Iris? Jonah couldn't help but feel mad that they were still together. It has been nearly a month and Cyrus hasn't mentioned once that he was going to break up with her anytime soon, and Jonah knows that Cyrus couldn't have completely forgotten about her. Jonah began to see it as more of a distraction for Cyrus. Like the more he continued to be 'dating' Iris the less he had to think about moving up with his relationship with Jonah. Jonah could understand being afraid to tell people that they are together, but Jonah couldn't understand why breaking up with someone was so hard.

Jonah didn't want to be mad at Cyrus. He wanted to be mad about the situation, but not mad at Cyrus. It didn't help that as more time went on and Cyrus continued to avoid breaking up with her, Jonah got increasingly frustrated to the point that he couldn't keep it in anymore. 

"So when do you think you are going to break up with Iris?" Cyrus stopped what he was doing. 

"I'll get around to it." He went back to shuffling through his papers, trying to find the right one. 

"When?" 

"Whenever I get around to it." 

"So in another month?" Cyrus stopped again. 

"I'll get around to it." 

"Cyrus stop! Why are you avoiding this so much? You've said before that you never even had feelings for her to begin with! Why is this is hard for you?" Cyrus looked at Jonah, who was standing across the room and taking deep breaths. 

"Just because I don't have feelings for her doesn't mean that I don't care about her." Cyrus could tell that his words hit Jonah. 

Though Andi and Cyrus never talk anymore, Cyrus could tell that her breakup with Jonah was really hard for her. He could tell that neither of them had apologized to each other and that they were ignoring each others feelings as much as possible to try to save their own. Cyrus knew that Jonah wanted to apologize for making mistakes and that he wanted to be there for Andi whenever she needed him, but Jonah would never let himself do that. He was too afraid that he would get sucked back into Andi again if he did. Cyrus felt bad for both of them and he wished that they would just sit down and talk to each other to at least clear the air. 

"Listen Cyrus, I know that this whole thing is hard for you but it seems like you are doing everything in your power to stop us from happening." And with that, Jonah was gone and out the door. 

Cyrus was confused. Was he really trying to stop them from happening? He never really thought about that before but he didn't think about it too much before calling Jonah. 

"What is it Cyrus I'm driving." 

"Can you come back?" 

"Cyrus maybe I should give you some time to sort the whole Iris thing out before I come back." 

"Please Jonah?" There was silence on the other end for a minute. 

"Cyrus I can't." 

"Then can you at least park your car so we can talk about it." Cyrus heard a mumbled 'fine' and waited until Jonah began talking. 

"I don't get why you are letting this drag on for so long. I mean it has been a month Cyrus." Jonah sighed. 

"I know." 

"That's all?" The phone was silent. 

"You're mad at me." Once again, Jonah sighed. 

"I'm mad at you because all you are doing is holding yourself back from acceptance and honestly, it's holding me back too. Cyrus I just want you to be happy and there's no way you can be happy if you are dragging her along. There's no way she can be happy either." Cyrus processed this for a moment. 

"I don't know how to tell her." 

"Cy! I'm not telling you to come out to her or anything, I'm just asking you to break up with her so you aren't dragging her along and I don't feel like a third wheel!" 

"I know, I meant that I don't know how to break up with her without lying to her or hurting her feelings." 

"Telling her that you just don't have feelings for her anymore and that you didn't want to continue the relationship if you weren't all in isn't exactly lying to her." 

"Do you think that'll hurt her feelings though?" Jonah thought for a moment. 

"Honestly Cy, anything that you say to her will probably hurt her feelings, but it'll hurt less than not saying anything at all." Cyrus knew he wouldn't be able to avoid hurting her, but maybe putting her through less pain is the best option. 

"I promise I'll do it soon. Oh and Jonah?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You wouldn't be the third wheel, I'd choose you over her any day. And I'm sorry." Jonah smiled, maybe Cyrus did want to try and move forward with this relationship. 

"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to push you." 

"It's okay, I needed it." 

"We're gonna figure this out okay?" 

"Of course." Both the boys smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holiday's!!! Sorry this chapter is up later than usual, I've been busy with family and everything!! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, comment what you think!! I love reading your comments, they always motivate me to continue this story!!


	8. Chapter 8

Cyrus had finally broken up with Iris and Jonah finally felt like Cyrus was ready to start moving somewhere with their relationship. Jonah knew they weren't ready to be public, he wasn't ready to come out to his family yet and he knew that Cyrus wasn't ready either, but he liked that it was just the two of them now. They could finally hang out at each others houses without having to worry about being interrupted by Iris, which was a relief to both of the boys. 

"Hey are you coming over after school today?" Jonah leaned on the locker next to Cyrus. 

"I thought you were coming over to my house." 

"Oh, well it doesn't matter I just figured because your parents-" 

"They aren't home tonight." Jonah almost didn't catch the faint smirk on Cyrus's face. 

"Your house it is." Both the boys smiled. 

As Jonah started walking to his next class, Buffy stopped him in the hall. 

"How are... things?" She nodded her head towards Cyrus. 

"Things are great Buffy." 

"Does he hate me? Do you think he would want to talk to me again." Jonah almost forgot that things weren't great with everyone. 

"He would love to talk to you Buffy. Just send him a text or something. He actually really misses you." Buffy smiled sadly. 

"I really miss him." Jonah knew how close Buffy and Cyrus used to be, he knew how hard it was for Buffy when Cyrus stopped talking to them. Buffy was the one person that Cyrus could talk to about  _anything,_ Jonah couldn't imagine what Cyrus felt not having that support for so long. 

"You should definitely talk to him again, he needs you." 

\--

At Cyrus's house the two boys frantically got everything that they needed out and ready to go. 

"I'm going to beat you so hard Cy." Jonah nudged Cyrus with his elbow as Cyrus took his seat and started up the game. 

"You know I'm the Mario Kart champion." Jonah laughed. 

They started playing and at first it was a pretty close game, until Rainbow Road. Jonah had won two games and Cyrus had won one and he needed the last race to tie with Jonah. Because Jonah was winning he had the final choice of what course to do, and because Jonah knew Rainbow Road was Cyrus's weakest course he had to pick it. It wasn't Jonah's favorite course, but he could at least stay on the track for more than five seconds before falling into the abyss. 

"That wasn't fair!" Cyrus demanded, clearly unhappy that he lost. 

"You just need practice, you'll get it next time." Jonah joked. Cyrus threw a pillow at him, crossing his arms and pouting. 

"You know I suck at Rainbow Road!" Jonah laughed, trying to hug Cyrus to make him feel better. Cyrus continued to push him away until Jonah tackled him and held him down. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Cyrus pushed him off again. 

"You suck." Cyrus went back to pouting again. 

"Next time you can pick all of the courses." 

"You still suck." Jonah laughed again. 

Cyrus eventually stopped crying about losing and he went to make popcorn so the two could watch a movie. Jonah wished that they could go out and see a movie like it was a date, but he was content with staying at home and cuddling with Cyrus on the couch. Jonah was half asleep watching the movie when he heard a car pull up outside. 

"Cyrus, are your parents home?" Jonah had never seen Cyrus move so quickly in his life. He shut off the movie and put the popcorn bowl in the sink while Jonah sat up and watched Cyrus run about. Cyrus pointed upstairs and they quickly made their way up to Cyrus's bedroom. 

"I didn't pay attention to the time, I'm sorry." Cyrus said as he closed the door. Something always interrupted their 'dates'. 

"It's fine." Jonah could tell that Cyrus was still trying to calm himself down a little bit from the scare. If his parents found them cuddling on the couch Cyrus might've passed out. 

"I don't know when I'm going to tell them." Cyrus sat on his bed and rubbed his hands over his face. 

"Don't rush it Cy, just tell them whenever you're-" Jonah's phone started ringing, it was his dad. 

"Hey dad-" 

"Come home.  _Now."_ Jonah's dad seemed angry, he hung up the phone. 

"I-I gotta go I guess." 

"Are you going to be okay, he sounded really mad."

"Yeah I should be fine. I'll see you on Monday." 

"Text me tonight." Jonah nodded and let himself out. 

Cyrus hoped he would be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah this was super short and it kinda sucked a lot I'm sorry!! It's more of a filler chapter than anything, the next chapter will hopefully be a lot more interesting!! Comment what you think :) hopefully it wasn't too bad :(


	9. Chapter 9

Jonah was scared. He hates when his dad gets mad at him. Jonah couldn't figure out what his dad was mad at him for, he hadn't done anything wrong. He didn't want to leave Cyrus's house but he knew he would be in more trouble if he didn't go home immediately. Jonah wouldn't say that he's afraid of his father, but sometimes his dad was a little bit scary. Jonah just hoped that his dad wasn't as mad as he seemed on the phone five minutes ago. 

Jonah walked through the door to his house and saw his dad waiting expectantly in the living room. He didn't look too mad, but he also didn't look too happy either. Jonah slowly made his way into the living room to face his father. There was nothing but silence for a few minutes as his father stared at him, an angry scowl growing on his face. Jonah wasn't sure if he was supposed to say something or if he should stay silent and wait for his father to speak. 

"Where were you?" His dad spoke in a calm manner, for now. 

"At Cyrus's. We were working on homewor-" 

"Why am I hearing from your ex girlfriend that you are hanging out with a boy who likes other boys?"  Jonah froze. How could she? Did she tell Cyrus's parents? Who else was she telling? 

"W-What does it matter?" Jonah started to panic, this was his fault. Cyrus was going to blame him when Andi tells everyone that he's gay. 

"Jonah it-" 

"Save it! I-I need to-" Jonah's dad grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to look him in the eyes. 

"It doesn't matter, you do whatever you want to do. But is there something that you want to tell me? Is he... Are you two dating? Is that why you and that girl broke up?" Jonah was stunned. His dad was okay with it? Jonah never really took time to consider that his dad may or may not accept him, but now that they were here and he had the chance to say it... Jonah felt weird. 

"We are something I guess. I-I really don't know dad." He suddenly realized how little he has actually thought about any of this. Sure he has thought about what his dad would say if he told him, but he never thought he would actually do it. Especially not so soon. 

Jonah suddenly felt a wave of anger wash over him. All of this was taken away from him. He was given no choice but to come out. Andi took that away from him. She took away his ability to think about what he wants to tell his dad, when he wants to tell his dad. He hasn't even fully thought about who he was yet. 

"Jonah, it's okay. You are still young, it's a confusing time. You just have to figure everything out as you go. You like him, he likes you, deal with that right now. Don't try to look at the bigger picture until you are ready." Jonah was incredibly thankful for his dad being supportive, especially when this could've gone a completely different direction. 

"W-Why were you mad on the phone?" Jonah couldn't even look his father in the eyes. 

"That young lady came to my door trying to tell me things about my son that I'm guessing she thought were going to make me hate you or something. I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at her." Jonah nodded, that made sense.

The only thing Jonah could think about at the moment was Cyrus and whether or not Andi was out to get him too. He knew that Cyrus would not be able to handle it if his parents found out. Cyrus told him that he wasn't ready, that he needed to slowly drop the ball on them, not just give them everything at once. Jonah was sure that if Andi told his parents Cyrus would run away. 

"I-Can I go see Cyrus? I have to-" 

"Go ahead." Jonah thanked his dad and made his way back to Cyrus's house. 

**To Cyrus: I'm out front, can you come talk?**

Cyrus responded almost immediately. 

**From Cyrus: Be right there.**

Cyrus opened the passenger door and got in the car. Jonah couldn't look at him for a moment, he still needed to process everything. 

"Andi told my dad." Silence. Cyrus just stared at Jonah, and eventually Jonah stared right back. 

"Jonah, I'm sorry." 

"I-It's okay. My dad was actually cool with it. I just..." He didn't know what to say. 

"That's great! What's the big deal? You've been ready for almost a month to tell people." Jonah felt angry again, because that's the thing. He  _wasn't_ ready. 

"But I'm not! I-I didn't want people to know, I wasn't ready to tell my dad. Cyrus I think I finally understand why you are so scared. I haven't taken the time to process  _anything,_ I barely understand myself! I-" Jonah started sobbing. Cyrus was quick to reach out and comfort him, but Jonah almost didn't want that. Jonah almost wanted to just be alone. 

"It is scary, I was terrified when I told Buffy. Even after I told Buffy I couldn't keep myself from being scared. I don't think it's easy for anyone. And just because he knows now doesn't mean that you can't take time to understand yourself, you have as much time as you need to do that." Cyrus gently rubbed circles on Jonah's back. 

"I don't know how." 

"You don't know how to what?" 

"Understand myself." Cyrus was silent for a moment, thinking. 

"Don't freak out." Jonah looked up, confused for a moment, as Cyrus leaned in. Their lips met and neither of them moved for a second until Cyrus pulled away. 

"Did you like that?" Jonah nodded. "Do you like me?" Jonah nodded again. "What about when you kissed Andi? Did you like that too?" Jonah thought for a moment. 

"I never hated kissing her but it was never my favorite thing. I definitely like kissing you more." Cyrus let Jonah think about that for a minute to try and see if that helped him understand himself more. 

"Well you definitely like me, so that means something right?" 

"What if I like you, but I still like girls?" Cyrus knew how hard this was for Jonah, he had been there before. 

"Then you like a boy, and you like girls." Jonah gave Cyrus the 'no shit but what am I supposed to do with that information' look. 

"So I'm like, bisexual?" Cyrus smiled. 

"You are whatever makes you happy Jonah Beck." Jonah returned Cyrus's smile as both boys leaned in until their lips met again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly short I think, my apologies. I hope you liked this chapter! Jonah and Cyrus finally had their first kiss!! Comment what you think!!!

**Author's Note:**

> So this was kind of like a prologue I guess? Idk let me know what you think! Hopefully it isn't too bad haha.


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